It's My Birthday!

Chaos.

Is a very short word which means extreme confusion or disorder. The perfect word to describe my current thinking cap.

I really wanted to indite a sanguine post; something uplifting. But I couldn’t squeeze the good words. Right now, I just want to be honest with myself. I just want to admit that I am hurting inside. Please bear with the inconvenience.

Today is my 26th birthday. Yes, it’s MY BIRTHDAY!
To some women, this is an ideal age for marriage. But not for me.

To some folks of my age they are probably halfway towards the realization of their dreams or maybe they are already in the zenith of their career. But not for me, either. Ouch!

I have no problem with statement no. 1. Marriage or even “Exclusively dating” still remain strange words. Yes, I’m not seeing anyone and that is absolutely fine with me. I actually believe that marriage is not my fate. Or maybe it’s more appropriate to say that at my age having or not having a partner or “special someone” is not yet an issue.

Shift to statement no. 2.

I used this line before (in my other blog) but I’ll say it again “I now officially declare myself unemployed.” (this is a late announcement). Since I graduated from college in 2004, I already had eight official and unofficial jobs with maximum of 1 year and 1 month term and pathetic 4-day record.

Did you just say “What?!!!”

I say it’s MY BIRHTDAY! In my blog rej-goneastray, I said "Be ready to criticize, disgust and belittle this twenty something creature from a complex metropolis. Admonish her if you must. Then love her afterwards…" For this particular post, I will use it with a slight revision:“You can criticize, disgust and belittle this twenty something creature from a complex metropolis. Admonish me if you must. But please not today." :p
Seriously, I consider my employment record very blessed. Some of my previous occupations were my “ideal jobs.” Some companies that trusted my aptitude were my “dream companies.” I met a lot of people which until now I regard as good friends. Dreaming is indeed very powerful. However, some things just didn’t work well. I guess that’s the diplomatic way to summarize my work history rather than label myself a “failure.” I would like to think I am not. Am I?

So many things are bothering me. But one thing is clear in my mind “Hindi pwede ‘to! Hindi pwedeng parating ganito! (This is not right! This has to stop!)" I am not a feeble. I am physically and mentally healthy. I know I just need to invigorate my inner strength to face my fears. In this case, I need your help. Please pray for me.

Let me end this post with a video of the song “Lead Me Lord” by Gary Valenciano - my song and my prayer for my birthday and the coming days.

P.S. I have one final request on my birthday. Before leaving this blog please read the story of Baby Hannah. She will be celebrating her 2nd birthday on August 14. I hope we can say a little prayer for her and her family.