There is something erroneous about me that I myself couldn’t elucidate. Being anxious about everything, I have mastered the art of chatting with imaginary people. Weird act, as you may describe it, has actually become my favorite remedy to human adversities. Basically, these unreal folks do not have the capacity to judge me or to rule me. I am free to say everything that is inside me without having to worry about what they may possibly feel. And somehow, it helps me in reducing everyday stress.
My inability to show emotions is perhaps the root of this eerie habit. In fact, I feel awful because I have been trying to repress my true feelings for the longest time. But in spite the pain, I usually choose to be quiet so no one would get worried about me. I always want to look firm even though my whole-being is deeply troubled. I am usually trying to keep the grudges that are haunting me inside. It is not too often that I share my problems to others. Most of the serious ones are kept even to my own family.
On the other hand, I know that it is better to live in reality than in a world of illusions. My imaginary buddies can only give me temporary allay but never a solution to any of my problem. I know I should be present with the real situations simply because I am living in a real world with real people.
The problem is I do not know which path I have to take. Should I be true to myself and bear the consequences? Or should I follow the murmurings of my heart that says “Do what makes you happy” regardless of what others will say? In the end, I have to make a decision, something that will make me happy or sad or worst feel sorry for myself…
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