If Only

Isn’t great to be in this world surrounded with all the beauties of heaven?

Life, even at an early age, is already full of “If Only.”

If only my mom knows how to cook oatmeal for breakfast, so bread and butter or instant noodles will have a break.
If only my father is working in Canada, so I can buy a new Barbie doll every month.
If only I study harder, so maybe gold medal is already hanging in our wall.
If only I have an extra daily allowance, so I can buy Cola instead of a fresh orange juice.

And as one grows old, we still fail to thank our mom for always waking up so early to prepare our food; we constantly miss to kiss our dad before going to a party; we usually resent the times when great opportunities keep knocking but we refuse to open our door; we always see the awful things but very seldom we appreciate the importance of goodness and healthy living. Well, these are only few examples that most of us can definitely relate with.

Now let me share my own version of “If only” of yesterday, today and hopefully not tomorrow.

If only I have bigger feet, so I can feel the freshness of air strolling in the spaces of my toes instead of imprisoning them in a white rubber shoes every time my body requires some tedious work-out; so I can wear skirt on Sundays or during formal occasions without having to worry that someone might notice the extra space underneath.

If only I have nice teeth, so there is no small food particle which can easily go through the gap; so I can confidently say “cheese” when the camera light strikes; so I don’t have to wear metal-like pieces that chomp every word that goes out of my mouth.

If only I grew taller than I am now, so I can easily watch a R18 movie inside the theater and not just catch a glimpse of the film in the television screen; so I don’t have to tell my age and my birthday or to show an I.D. before the ticket inspector allows me to buy cheese-flavored popcorn and a large size of coke; so my friends will not blame me for such misfortune I never intended to happen although it’s already expected.

If only I have a dynamic voice as good as Nina or Kyla so I can pluck the piano keys while the lyrics are also coming out of my own diaphragm; so my screen name Rej, just like the Asia’s Songbird, will have a luminous sense.

If only I can draw without looking at a piece of paper with SpongeBob SquarePants dominating most of the spaces; so I can sketch his image introducing himself to my baby brother who happens to be his biggest supporter; so I can draw a self portrait with a half eye and blue bonnet covering half of my facade that represents mystery and secret identity.

If only I know how to cook, so I don’t have to nurture my empty stomach with instant food or crackers or “ininit meal” each time my mom is not around the kitchen; so I can serve rice porridge for breakfast, beef and vegetables for lunch and lasagna for snack parallel to a luxurious Italian restaurant cuisine.

If only I am a Green thumb, so I can fill our garden with the shades of green and brown and a variety of colors that blossom mutually with the leaves; so I can vigorously partake in a “Plant a Tree” project for the restoration of animal shelter, natural scenic view, and sun screen.

If only I am loquacious and vigorous, so I can state whatever thoughts that govern my brain and not just seize the notion of the majority; so I will not just sit and stare in the gorgeous countenance of the speaker; so I can openly share my triumph and struggles to the people I truly trust and not just bury the happiness and heart aches till it fade.

If only I decided pursuing a new course, so further knowledge, camaraderie and new set of challenges will set in; so once more I can feel the freshness of the dawn and snooze after the telebabad session; so I can always spot good-looking guys/“papalicious” that kindle one’s adrenalin and indeed can be an inspiration.

If only I have adequate resources in making handicrafts and candles, so I can utilize my craft without limit; so I can give the birthday celebrator or my monito/monita a personalized photo album or scented candle with his/her name engraved; so when everything are all set, I can start my own business and get rich (I hope).

If only my friends are just residing two blocks away from me, so together we can fool around, watch a movie, chew the fat, fantasize that boy-next-door standing nearby, get a score of 100 in Videoke, drink a bottle of gin, laugh at shaggy dog stories and funny antics, share a common dream, and cry out loud till sunup; so we can always bring back the memories of the past - like naive playing charade during break time.

If only I am not afraid of rejection so maybe by now I already have a new job and earn money for myself; so maybe I am not always repressing my true feelings on certain things and be involved in a cold war; so maybe I can easily say “Sorry”, “Thank You,” “I Miss You,” and “I love you to the people I loved so deeply and stop assuming.

If only I have the wealth and the power to help everyone who is in need, so there will be no children knocking on the car mirrors begging for penny; so I can reconstruct the roads, build more houses for less fortunate, and have my own company with one thousand hardworking Filipino employees; so I can feel the morning breeze in Boracay, feed my sight with fantastic scenic views of Palawan, and have the most sumptuous dinner in Paris.

If only I can stop saying the words IF ONLY and just be contented with what I have and who I am, so everyday will always be a new day to enjoy and to glorify God for the greatest blessing called life. Because life is not just about living in despair but a gift that must be utilize, develop, value, treasure, and love each day.

If only all leaders of the world can prohibit the use of “If only” and will have to pay ten thousand US dollars and five-year imprisonment for those who infringe the law, so every human being could learn how to accept our own physical deficiencies and exploit the beauty and expertise that lies from within. Never mind if we don’t have “this and that” as long as we dwell in the world of compassion, solidarity and contentment, our planet is indeed a living heaven – a place that exist only in our imagination or a place where our soul can fully breathe the atmosphere of love and peace.

There are some things that we don’t like about ourselves but we can’t do anything to change it; we committed mistakes we wish we didn’t do; and there were some stuff we regret we didn’t do. Some plans aren’t meant; some dreams aren’t granted. Because of these, sometimes we wonder why our goals are not going our way while our only ambition is to escape from misery and be happy. This question has been stockpiled in my mind 24/7. But certainly there is always hope and I am glad that through this word I would like to go on…

I am sure each and everyone has his or her own edition of “If only.” Someday, I hope we could stop saying these words so we can completely surrender our lives to our Supreme Deity and start living according to his purpose.

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Posted 7/17/06 4:47 PM